1). The little things matter. Marriage is not about the grand gestures. While getting flowers is always a welcomed surprise, it's really more about the little day to day things that make you feel appreciated by your partner. For example, once I mentioned to my husband I wanted some antique decor on top of our kitchen cabinets. Months later on a random weekday, he came home from work with a mini rustic tricycle he bought at the thrift store for $6. It was perfect! I was so excited to not only have something to go on top of the cabinets, but also to know he was listening to me and remembered something I had mentioned months before. It made me feel so special. That $6 thrift store find meant more to me than any bouquet of roses.
2). It's okay to go to bed angry. When we first got married, everyone kept
3). Change things up. It's very easy to get caught up in the routine of daily life. Wake up, go to work, come home, work out, eat dinner, do dishes, go to bed, repeat. Sometimes we decide to do things a little different. One night we might opt to read or play a card game, instead of vegging out on hulu.
4). Appreciation. Please and thank yous never go out of style. We each have our own "chores" around the house, but just because my husband usually takes the garbage to the curb on Wednesday nights doesn't mean I have to take it for granted. I always try to thank him, even for the little things he is "supposed to do" and likewise he does the same for me. I put "supposed to do" in quotes because we don't have a concrete list of chores for each person. Sometimes I have extra time, so I'll do extra chores. It doesn't matter who does them, it just matters they get done and they person doing them is appreciated for their effort.
5) Escape reality. This sort of goes with #3. It's easy to get caught up in the hectic world. Even if you can't afford a big tropical vacation, try to get away every 4 months or so. Maybe go camping or go on a day trip. Spend time in nearby towns neither of you have been to. Maybe go to a local restaurant neither of you have tried. When you experience new things together, it creates something new and exciting to bond over.
6). Timing is everything. A very wise friend once told me, "The right thing at the wrong time is still the wrong thing." This advice has shaped my life and could not ring more true in a marriage. It's so easy to compare your marriage/relationship to others. For example: So and so has been married the same time we have and they already have 3 kids. Good for them and their 3 kids, but that was not the right timing for us. It's okay to have a different timeline than other couples. Whether it's having kids, buying a house or changing careers, you and your partner are the only ones who can determine what the right timing is for your relationship.
7). Surround yourself with love. They say it takes a village to raise a family, but I think it takes a village to do just about everything. I believe without the support and love from family and friends, things can be much more of a struggle. When you surround yourself with other loving couples and individuals with positive attitudes it rubs off on your marriage/relationship. The same is true of the opposite. If you surround yourself with couples who are negative or focused on values that are not important to you and your partner, your relationship will begin to mirror theirs and that is not always a good thing.
8). Take responsibility for your own happiness. It is an unfair to place the responsibility of your happiness on anyone but yourself. It's so important to be able to fulfill your own needs and function as an individual, even when you're part of a team. It's also very empowering. If you are happy and fulfilled, this will inspire your partner to strive for the same happiness. We meet our own needs by taking time to hang out with our friends one on one. Sometimes I'll spend a Saturday morning hiking and catching up with a friend, while my husband goes fishing with one of his friends. Other times we will do things on our own. "Me time" is crucial in a health relationship. Sometimes my husband might work on playing the piano and I might spend time blogging. We each have our own interests and pursue them wholeheartedly. If you're unhappy then go do something about it don't just sit around moping and waiting for your partner to make you smile.
9). Unplug and be present. This is somewhat ironic since I am currently "plugged in" as I write this post, but remember #8. This is my "me time." With the constant buzz of social media and your countless e-mail in-boxes accessible 24/7, it's important to manage this constant connectivity so you can avoid getting sucked into it. For example, when your partner is trying to tell you about their day at work don't mindlessly scroll through your Facebook feed at the same time. Multi-tasking and listening do not mix. Put the phone, computer, tablet or whatever device, down and listen to your partner. Ask them questions, make eye contact. Be present!
10). Communicate & Validate! Communication is not the easiest thing sometimes, especially if you're upset. I cannot tell you enough how important it is to express what you're thinking and feeling to your partner. Believe it or not, they cannot read your mind. If you seem upset and they ask you what is wrong, TELL THEM. Otherwise they will never know. If you don't tell them what's bothering you, it's not fair to hold them accountable for upsetting you. Another key factor in communication is validating your partners feelings. For example: "When you said {insert problem phrase here} it really made me feel unappreciated." As a partner you should respond in a way that validates their feelings, "I understand how what I said could make you feel that way. What I really meant by saying {insert problem phrase here} was this "insert explanation."
Again, I would like to reiterate I am no expert at relationships and I do not claim to have a perfect marriage. These are just a few things I have learned along the way. I can say after 5 years of marriage I am still happy with my choice in partner and look forward to many more years of learning and growing more in love with him.
To celebrate our anniversary, we had one of our friends/talented photographer take some photos of us in downtown Boise. I am so thankful for her skill and expertise. I will cherish these photos for years to come. See more of her work here.
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| Photo Credit: Amanda Allard Photography |
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| Photo Credit: Amanda Allard Photography |
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| Photo Credit: Amanda Allard Photography |
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| Photo Credit: Amanda Allard Photography |
Be Bold,
Be Brave,
Be Beautiful,
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